Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
