Don't make out with my wife yet
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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