My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
