FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
there is puke in my bra ... again
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
