The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
