dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
