So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
false alarm, still single
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
