The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
