Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
