scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
