Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
