He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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