there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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