Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
