Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
