stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
