you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Please don't give away my fajitas
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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