She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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