he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
