i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
