You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
