So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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