Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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