Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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