So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
