my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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