I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
