Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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