You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
