he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
