Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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