every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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