You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
