If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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