Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
