The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
