I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Less talking, more tequila
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
