My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The adults are the big ones right?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
