How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
