sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
