you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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