Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
