Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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