So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
