I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
