I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
