just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
