I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
