a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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