why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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