i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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