Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
