I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Still dying that you shit outside
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
