I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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